Maybe Once
by xoxofandomgirl
Summary: "You're going to regret saying this in the morning," Emma whispered. Killian shook his head. "No, I'm not. I'm just going to regret not saying it sooner." Emma and Neal get married. Angsty oneshot set a couple years into the future.


Killian didn't know why he had bothered to come. The mere thought made him nauseous. All he wanted to do was leave all memories of her onshore and sail off into the vast ocean. Killian sighed and snuck a flask out of his jacket pocket, taking a large gulp of its contents. Even if he had left on the Roger, she'd still be on his mind.

It was all her fault, too, that he was still here – her and her goddamn pleas for him to stay because she _needed _him, because he was like _family. _He scoffed. A hell of a family they were.

The tux he was wearing was awfully uncomfortably. Killian shifted uneasily and took another sip of rum. "Hey," he heard someone say. Killian turned to see Charming looking at him critically. "Would you mind putting that away?"

He smirked. "I'd like to see you make me."

Charming scowled. "This is not exactly best man behavior."

Although the smirk remained plastered on his face, Killian's eyes sobered immediately. "Alright," he said, strained, tucking the flask back into his jacket.

"Jones!" Neal called to him, practically jumping up and down with excitement. "Any last minute advice for me?"

Forcing himself to look at the bastard, his swirling pools of blue met soft brown. Neal was so excited, so _happy_. "Do you love her?"

Neal beamed. "With all my heart."

Killian nodded solemnly. "Make sure she knows it."

Neal's reply was drowned out by the jovial sound of the organ. Neal's smile widened (if that was even possible by that point). Killian eyed him curiously. No wonder she loved this man. He was so kind, so caring, so full of hope.

Killian was beginning to feel nauseous again.

His Swan began her descent down the aisle, her son clinging onto her arm. She looked beautiful, just bloody gorgeous. She was like a goddess among common men, blessing them with her presence if only for a while. Killian gulped.

Her lad whispered something into Emma's ear, and she made a sound somewhere in between a sob and a laugh. In that moment, she truly looked like the happiest woman in the world. Killian couldn't take his eyes off her. For a minute, he pretended like _he_ was the one making her so blissfully happy, that _he_ was the one she was staring at in such awe and adoration that tears formed in her eyes, that _he_ was the one she was about to vow eternity to.

Suddenly, Killian's own eyes filled with tears as well.

"Please be seated," the pastor said as Emma reached her groom. Neal mumbled something lovingly to her, and Emma smiled the smile of a woman hopelessly in love. Killian itched to finish off the rum in his coat.

Every word the pastor said, every vow exchanged stabbed into him painfully, but he could not seem look away. "If anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace," the pastor declared, looking around the room.

_Because this is wrong_, he thought.

_Because he's not the one for her. _

_Because I am. _

_Because she's mine. _

_Because I love her._

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Killian finally forced himself to look away.

* * *

"Another shot for me, milady," Killian told the bartender, holding up his empty shot glass shakily. It fell to the floor with a crash. "Whoopsies."

"I'm sorry, sir. I'm afraid I have to cut you off," the bartender informed him, eyeing the now-broken glass on the floor, clearly annoyed.

"And why the bloody hell do you have to do that?" Killian exclaimed, near shouting. "All I want is a little something more to drink!"

"Besides the fact that you're piss drunk?" the bartender began. "I've got direct orders from the bride. She told me she wants you to remember at least _some_ of the wedding."

Killian scowled. "Maybe I don't want to remember any of it."

"Hook!" someone called. Killian turned around a bit too quickly for his inebriated state, nearly falling off the barstool. That was Emma's voice. "Thank God you're okay," she said, reaching out to pull him into a hug. "Red was telling me that that was your seventeenth shot this _hour_. How are you not passed out yet?"

Killian pushed her away. "Get off me."

Emma raised her eyebrows at him. "Excuse me?"

"Don't touch me."

Emma clenched her jaw. "Look, I understand that you're wasted right now, but it's my _wedding_ day. You could at least try to be – "

"No!" he boomed at her, taking a step forward. The two were dangerously close now. "Did you ever love me, Swan?"

"What?" she asked.

"You heard me."

"Well, of course not."

"Liar."

"What makes you think I'm lying?"

"I'll give you one more chance," he told her, shaking his head at her sadly. "Were you ever in love with me?"

Emma swallowed. "Maybe once. But that doesn't matter now," she added quickly. "Now I love Neal. We love _each_ _other_. We're going to have a wonderf – "

"When," he demanded. "When did you love me?"

"A long time ago," she answered, avoiding eye contact.

"I've loved you for a _long time_, Emma," he confessed. Emma's breath hitched in her throat. "We loved each other at some point in time."

"Killian," she whispered. The pirate stopped. To this day, Emma had never called him by his given name. "Killian, you're drunk. Please, just – just go home."

"Emma, love – "

"No."

"Darling – "

"Stop it."

"I'm in love with – "

"Don't say it," she begged him.

"But if I did, just know that I'd mean every word of it," he breathed. "I'm desperately, hopelessly in love. Nothing will ever change that – not even a marriage certificate."

"You're going to regret this in the morning," Emma whispered. "You're going to regret saying this."

Killian shook his head. "No, I'm not. I'm just going to regret not saying it sooner."

Emma went silent for a moment. "You're just drunk."

Killian then lunged forward, kissing her with everything he could muster, his fingers tangling in her hair. Emma could taste the alcohol in his breath. He pulled away from the kiss as quickly as he had started it, breathing heavily. "That, my love, I might regret tomorrow." He told her, detaching himself from the blushing bride. "I hope he makes you happy." He laughed bitterly. "Goodbye, Emma." He left, then, without looking back.

* * *

The next morning, the Jolly Roger no longer occupied the Storybrooke dock, but Emma Swan still very much occupied Killian's heart.

* * *

**Thanks a million for reading! Please review, favorite, etc.!**

**Well, that was way more depressing than the stuff I usually write. :P I hope you enjoyed it! Any and all thoughts would be greatly appreciated!**


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